Pain is a remarkable motivator. Pain, and I'm not saying this to be dramatic, is my constant companion. Except maybe when I'm sitting. Sometimes. Which is sort of evil in itself, because I'm sitting there, feeling normal, and then I stand up and WHOMP! it hits me again. But pain is what got me to the doctor.
I think I know why my hip deteriorated. It's a long story and actually sort of boring, but let's just say that for the last seven years, the pain has been increasing steadily. Late winter it finally got to the point where I more or less had no sort of life--pain prevented me from a five-minute walk. Going grocery shopping, even with that walker in disguise, a shopping cart, left me in a sweat. I finally decided I had to see a doctor, and so I finally made an appointment. I didn't exactly pick one out of a hat, but I more or less did. I went to the same practice my father had gone to, before he died, just less than a year ago.
The first visit was awful--because I hadn't been in so long. My primary reason, of course, was the pain in my hip, but there were many more things to be interested in. My blood pressure. The fact I hadn't had a pap smear since 2002. The fact that I hadn't had a mammogram in that long as well. I still haven't gotten my colonoscopy, to be honest.
Well, those things were addressed, and I'm the proud owner of four meds a day, two for blood pressure and two for pain. Does this make me happy? Not in the least. But it does give me something to work toward.
So here's what I found out, when I wrenched the attention back to my hip. I found out that the cartilage is completely gone and that it's bone on bone and that I limp because of the loss of cartilage--my left leg is now 4 (or so) mm shorter than my right one. I found out that the only way to fix that is a hip replacement. I'm 56. I've heard both--you're too young! and, better to do it now, while you're young! I don't feel as though I have a huge choice. The pain is too intense. I've been attending physical therapy (which also causes pain, but at least I think it's getting me somewhere) and so I can do more things than I could before, but the pain in there.
The pain is always there. The pain is there when I cook, when I work out, when I walk, when I drive, when I sleep or try to sleep. When I have sex. When I brush my teeth, when I go to church, when...you get the point. And one of the most frustrating things is that it's unpredictable. I have no idea how bad it's going to be at any given moment. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes (and I don't cry that easily) and sometimes it recedes and I'm nearly my old self.
I'm a little afraid of a replacement. The doctor I finally fetched up with (and more about him and the others, another day) seems to think I'm a fine candidate. I'm looking forward to a lack of pain. I'm looking forward to going on walks. But I'm also looking forward to high heels. That was something I googled as soon as I started thinking seriously about a hip replacement and before I had even seen a doctor. Could I wear high heels after? (The answer, if you're interested) seems to be yes, if I'm good about PT and if I'm patient. I'll probably never be able to wear skyscrapers, and those vertiginous platforms are probably out, but I think I can probably do 3" again, if I'm good, and patient.
And then, with any luck, the only pain I'll have to worry about is if the shoes pinch.
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